Under the Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith

From Goodreads:

Brothers Ron and Dan Lafferty insist they were commanded to kill by God. Krakauer's investigation is a meticulously researched, bone-chilling narrative of polygamy, savage violence and unyielding faith: an incisive, gripping work of non-fiction that illuminates an otherwise confounding realm of human behaviour.

I've been wanting to read this book for AGES but I'm glad I didn't read it until now. It's mostly about polygamy but also includes some Mormon history that isn't particularly flattering. I don't know that I would have believed some of the history in this book until this year. Some people I'd been taught all my life to revere did some pretty sketchy stuff back in the day (I'm a lot more aware of that now, though).

I hesitate to say that I enjoyed this book- the subject matter is pretty awful- but...I enjoyed it. It was fascinating, especially as someone who comes from Mormon roots and has lived in Utah. I've read a few books about fundamentalism as well, so there were some familiar characters. Overall I thought Krakauer does a great job tying events together in such a way that helped explain people's actions and reactions. He weaves disparate tales about people and events together to create a cohesive narrative on polygamy and the history of violence among the saints (and their offshoot brethren).

Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith by Anne Lamott

From Goodreads:

From the bestselling author of Operating Instructions and Bird by Bird comes a chronicle of faith and spirituality that is at once tough, personal, affectionate, wise and very funny. With an exuberant mix of passion, insight, and humor, Anne Lamott takes us on a journey through her often troubled past to illuminate her devout but quirky walk of faith. In a narrative spiced with stories and scripture, with diatribes, laughter, and tears, Lamott tells how, against all odds, she came to believe in God and then, even more miraculously, in herself. She shows us the myriad ways in which this sustains and guides her, shining the light of faith on the darkest part of ordinary life and exposing surprising pockets of meaning and hope. Whether writing about her family or her dreadlocks, sick children or old friends, the most religious women of her church or the men she's dated, Lamott reveals the hard-won wisdom gathered along her path to connectedness and liberation.

My friend RA recommended this one to me after a long series of emails between us about faith and the struggles I've had over the past four years. I hadn't heard of Anne Lamott but apparently she's actually kind of well known, which just goes to show you how much of a bubble I live in.

I found her memoir incredibly eye-opening. She has a deep Christian faith but she approaches it from the complete opposite direction of most of the uber-conservative religious types I know. She's a sort of hippie liberal with dreadlocks who is all about seeing Christ in the brokenness. I wonder if she ended up there because of how hard she had to work to get where she is. She was a drug addict who ended up a single mother in deep poverty. She accepts the brokenness in others because she sees it in herself and knows where it can take you.

Lots of good thinking came from this one.

Cut Me Loose: Sin and Salvation After My Ultra-Orthodox Girlhood by Leah Vincent

From Goodreads:

Leah Vincent was born into the Yeshivish community, a fundamentalist sect of ultra-Orthodox Judaism. As the daughter of an influential rabbi, Leah and her ten siblings were raised to worship two things: God and the men who ruled their world. But the tradition-bound future Leah envisioned for herself was cut short when, at sixteen, she was caught exchanging letters with a male friend, a violation of religious law that forbids contact between members of the opposite sex. Leah's parents were unforgiving. Afraid, in part, that her behavior would affect the marriage prospects of their other children, they put her on a plane and cut off ties. Cast out in New York City, without a father or husband tethering her to the Orthodox community, Leah was unprepared to navigate the freedoms of secular life. She spent the next few years using her sexuality as a way of attracting the male approval she had been conditioned to seek out as a child, while becoming increasingly unfaithful to the religious dogma of her past.

I don't remember how I heard about this book but it fit right in with my religious memoir kick. This one, however, was FAR more intense than the others. Leah Vincent was cut off from her family and community for the sin of exchanging letters with a boy. She was completely unprepared for regular life alone in a big city and ended up in...situations. I don't want to spoil it but I seriously sat there wide-eyed through most of the book. I kept thinking, "Surely this is rock bottom." And then something else would happen and I'd be like, "Oh...nope, this is it." And then...you get the picture.

At one point she decided she was so broken that her only real option was prostitution. That did not go well for her. 

The thing that totally broke my heart about this book is that Leah was really trying. She didn't CHOOSE to leave her faith tradition. They unceremoniously kicked her out because they saw someone who was struggling a bit.

That hit pretty close to home. I'm a part of some groups of people who are all over the faith spectrum when it comes to the Mormon church. The saddest part is that most of these people are really trying. They want to stay. But when they ask questions or raise concerns an incredibly common response from the community is, "Why don't you just leave the church?" Why are orthodox religions so quick to shove the struggling ones from the nest? What is it about doubt that scares us so much that we're willing to kick a soul out completely rather than try and help them through it and find their place? 

There was a lot in Vincent's book that I couldn't relate to but a surprising amount that felt familiar. This book isn't for everyone (there's some sexual content) but I found it honest and amazing.

The Dance of the Dissident Daughter: A Woman's Journey from Christian Tradition to the Sacred Feminine by Sue Monk Kidd

From Goodreads:


The acclaimed spiritual memoir from the author of The Secret Life of Bees
 
"I was amazed to find that I had no idea how to unfold my spiritual life in a feminine way. I was surprised and, in fact, a little terrified when I found myself in the middle of a feminist spiritual reawakening."
 
Sue Monk was a "conventionally religious, churchgoing woman, a traditional wife and mother" with a thriving career as a Christian writer until she began to question her role as a woman in her culture, her family, and her church. From a jarring encounter with sexism in a suburban drugstore to monastery retreats and rituals in the caves of Crete, Kidd takes readers through the fear, anger, healing, and transformation of her awakening. Retaining a meaningful connection "with the deep song of Christianity," she opens the door for traditional Christian women to discover a spirituality that speaks directly to them and provides inspiring wisdom for all who struggle to embrace their full humanity.

This book came as a recommendation from a woman I deeply admire (Aaron calls her my girl crush). She's been where I am and came out the other side full of peace and light. So when she recommended it and then I discovered that my library didn't carry it, I actually BOUGHT myself a copy. Something I do approximately...never.

I wish I could write separate reviews for each section of this book because they held varying values for me. The first section is called Awakening and I devoured it thinking, HOW DOES THIS WOMAN KNOW MY LIFE. She had words for things I experienced but couldn't articulate. She understood my difficulties, my discomfort, and my fears. It was a powerful feeling, knowing that I'm not even remotely alone. I highlighted this section all over the place, finding the words and inspiration I needed to make some hard decisions.

The second section, Initiation, took me a couple weeks to get through. There was so little about this part of her journey that I related to. I highlighted one single quote. I think that, perhaps, she had issues to work through that I didn't and that's why I didn't find the same kinship with the Initiation section. I also don't feel quite the same pull toward Goddess that she does. Especially not to the exclusion of my generally Christian understanding of deity. There has to be a happy medium.

I warily started into the third section, called Grounding. She continued to discuss things that held no resonance with me (I don't need to create my own ceremonies. I am not hippie enough for that, apparently) but I loved her discussions of the Divine Feminine. She talks about how She has manifested herself through the ages in varying religious traditions and even within the Bible (though She has been mostly scrubbed out in modern translations). There was a lot in the third section that felt eye-opening and important. I have a lot of processing to do with this section but I ultimately came out of it feeling deeply empowered. That there is power in being a woman and I have every right and responsibility to stand up for myself and my gender against that which denigrates or wounds.

The final section, Empowerment, felt a bit fluffy. I skimmed. It was sort of a rehash. I already FELT empowered, no need to beat the horse. Again, different women have different issues. She worked through her issues whereas I feel like I was already good to go.

I also couldn't help but feel her dreams were awfully convenient. How nice for her to dream in strong, clear, feminist symbols. I dream about showing up places in my underwear but I'm sure my white buffalo will show up any time.

While there was a lot that I couldn't relate to or that made me raise an eyebrow, overall this book had a hugely positive effect on me. There were specific lines or words in there that hit me like a shock to the brain. I felt strong and empowered as I read and greatly comforted that there are women who have walked this same path before.

I really wish, though, that she talked about balancing strong feminist sensibilities with Christianity. Instead, she sort of went the total opposite direction into ignoring God the Father in order to embrace the Goddess. I said this a few paragraphs up, but there has to be a happy medium. She helped me understand a LOT about myself and my experiences but she didn't lay a path I can follow. Guess I have to forge my own.

The Gnostic Gospels by Elaine Pagels

From Goodreads:

The Gnostic Gospels is a landmark study of the long-buried roots of Christianity, a work of luminous scholarship and wide popular appeal. First published in 1979 to critical acclaim, winning the National Book Award and the National Book Critics Circle Award, The Gnostic Gospels has continued to grow in reputation and influence over the past two decades. It is now widely recognized as one of the most brilliant and accessible histories of early Christian spirituality published in our time.

Another book I'm reading included a fantastic quote from this book about women in the primitive church that really struck me so I hopped onto Overdrive and picked up the entire book. I'm so glad I did! I knew little to nothing about the gnostic gospels and even less about the gnostic branch of Christianity that didn't make it much past 200 AD. This is a great introductory type book if you're totally clueless- Pagels gives plenty of background and none of her analyses are too esoteric for the casual reader. 

I especially loved her discussion on the divine feminine, a subject of particular interest to me lately. She expounds a few different theories that were popular during early Christian times but have since been mostly quashed: a divine mother, a feminine holy spirit as the 3rd member of the Trinity, a dyadic god, and a few more pagan ideas that were adopted by some followers of gnosticism. All utterly fascinating. It was a LOT of new information- I kind of want to listen again!

Flunking Sainthood: A Year of Breaking the Sabbath, Forgetting to Pray, and Still Loving My Neighbor by Jana Riess

From Goodreads:

This wry memoir tackles twelve different spiritual practices in a quest to become more saintly, including fasting, fixed-hour prayer, the Jesus Prayer, gratitude, Sabbath-keeping, and generosity. Although Riess begins with great plans for success (“Really, how hard could that be?” she asks blithely at the start of her saint-making year), she finds to her growing humiliation that she is failing—not just at some of the practices, but at every single one. What emerges is a funny yet vulnerable story of the quest for spiritual perfection and the reality of spiritual failure, which turns out to be a valuable practice in and of itself. 

(I can't get the cover image to upload for some reason.)

I remember hearing about Flunking Sainthood when it came out a couple years ago. I kind of avoided it because the author is Mormon and...I dunno. I'm prejudiced against my own kind? As it turns out, though, Riess takes an almost non-denominational Christian approach to her year of attempting sainthood. She never mentions specifically that she's Mormon (although clues are there) but tries to embrace a wide variety of spiritual practices, teaching and writings. The end result is a comfortable hodge-podge of faiths that feels homey, familiar and inclusive. This is likely because she's a convert married to a non-member and has spent time in Benedictine monasteries after attending a religious seminary. If there's anyone who could write such a cross-denominational approach to faith, it's her.

I came away from Flunking Sainthood interested in trying religious practices outside my faith tradition. I'm all about finding different pathways to Christ and it sounds like she found some good ones. I'd also like to try being more grateful and less judgmental (especially since I often accuse people of being judgey. Oh the irony). Despite Riess's insistence that she "flunked" her project, I found the whole thing inspiring and uplifting.

Love Does by Bob Goff

From Goodreads:

Bob Goff has become something of a legend, and his friends consider him the world's best-kept secret. Those same friends have long insisted he write a book. What follows are paradigm shifts, musings, and stories from one of the world's most delightfully engaging and winsome people. What fuels his impact? Love. But it's not the kind of love that stops at thoughts and feelings. Bob's love takes action. Bob believes "Love Does."

When "Love Does," life gets interesting. Each day turns into a hilarious, whimsical, meaningful chance that makes faith simple and real. Each chapter is a story that forms a book, a life. And this is one life you don't want to miss.

Light and fun, unique and profound, the lessons drawn from Bob's life and attitude just might inspire you to be secretly incredible, too.
I picked this up because RA recommended it. I found a few parts a little slow but, for the most part, I felt really inspired. Goff is a great storyteller with some really fascinating life experiences behind him. He ties these experiences to how we can better do the work of God by being more kind, more loving, more willing to DO stuff.

The timing of reading this book was really interesting as I'm going through a bit of a faith journey myself, trying to work harder at just doing good things in Jesus' name rather than focusing so much on the the "fluff" and performances of organized religion. Goff validated my approach and made me feel good about the path I'm taking.

Two quotes that I wrote down early on (before I forgot about writing stuff down and just focused on reading)-

[Talking about his friend Randy] "He was committed to me and he believed in me. I wasn't a project; I was his friend. I wondered if maybe all Christians operated this way. I didn't think so, because most of them I had met up until that time were kind of wimpy and seemed to have more opinions about what or who they were against than who they were for."

"To me, Jesus sounded like an ordinary guy who was utterly amazing. He helped people. He figured out what they really needed and tried to point them toward that. He healed people who were hurting. He spent time with the kinds of people most of us spend our lives avoiding. It didn't seem to matter to Jesus who these people were because He was all about engagement." 

I just saw that RA recommended reading a section a day rather than reading all 31 sections straight. Now that I've finished the book I really wish I had taken that approach. It allows a little more space for pondering and implementation.

A Year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans

From Goodreads:

Strong-willed and independent, Rachel Held Evans couldn't sew a button on a blouse before she embarked on a radical life experiment--a year of biblical womanhood. Intrigued by the traditionalist resurgence that led many of her friends to abandon their careers to assume traditional gender roles in the home, Evans decides to try it for herself, vowing to take all of the Bible's instructions for women as literally as possible for a year.

Someone mentioned on Facebook that the Kindle edition of this book was $2.99. I was in the middle of waiting for any one of my many holds to become available so I went and snapped it up.

Rachel (we're on a first name basis) alternates between silly and serious with ease. She talks about doing penance on her rooftop with a bit of a smirk then a few pages later talks seriously about the darker tales of women in the bible and now we must not forget them. She strikes a fine balance between reverence for the Bible and all that it represents for millions of people while also poking fun at some of it's outdated culturally based proclamations. This project could have gone very wrong (too religious, not religious enough) but she handled it so well. 

I particularly loved the story of her visit to Bolivia. I just finished Half the Sky myself so I knew exactly what she was feeling as she talked about wanting to DO something for our sisters around the world who are hurting, oppressed, and struggling. 

It also made me realize how crappy my knowledge of the Bible is. She referenced women and stories I am only vaguely familiar with, if at all. I should really make an effort this year to read the Bible, especially now that Rachel has given the stories such an interesting perspective!